Staying true to its name, this week’s episode of Fox’s Glee was stuffed.
Quinn returns to McKinley, Marley struggles to be perfect, Rachel faces Brody for the first time since he slept with Cassie, Kurt calls Blaine, Tina gets a song to sing, Sarah Jessica Parker has a kiki and, oh yeah, it’s Sectionals!
Note: Spoilers if you haven’t watched Thursday’s episode, “Thanksgiving.”
Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron) is back! But she’s not alone: Puck (Mark Salling), Mercedes (Amber Riley), Santana (Naya Rivera), Mike (Harry Shum Jr.) and Finn (Cory Monteith) are all home for Thanksgiving too. So obviously, they reunite in the auditorium and sing a big, emotional mashup of Paul Simon’s “Homeward Bound” and Phillip Phillips‘ “Home.” Maybe it was the sight of most of the original glee club together again — or the exceptional harmonies — but it definitely ranked as one of my favorite musical numbers in Glee history.
New Directions’ fearless leader, Finn, pairs each new glee club member with a returning veteran. Jake (Jacob Artist) gets paired with his half brother Puck, Ryder (Blake Jenner) gets Mike, Unique (Alex Newell) lands Mercedes (the words “SHASHAY” and “SHANTE” were exchanged), Marley (Melissa Benoist) gets pairs with Santana and Kitty (Becca Tobin) gets life lessons from her idol Quinn. The Cheerio is so obsessed with Quinn, she even has her photo — and WWQFD? (What Would Quinn Fabray Do?) — in her locker. Oy vey.
However, seeing the Unholy Trinity back together made me long to pull out my Glee Season 1 DVDs. You know, back when Quinn was the glee-otch, Mercedes was the diva, Puck was the sensitive bad boy and Finn was the hopeless jock in love with the naive star-in-the-making.
Of course, then Kitty has to create drama and ruin everything. Kitty lies to Quinn, telling her Jake is pressuring Marley to have sex. This prompts Quinn to flip ber b**** switch and turn into “Loopy Quinn.” She tells Jake to stay away from Marley, because he’s distracting her from winning Sectionals. But, really, the only thing distracting Marley is the hunger she feels because she has an eating disorder thanks to Kitty.
So when Santana confronts Quinn about Kitty’s bad behavior, Quinn launches into a rant about how Santana was always jealous of her. You see, at Yale, Quinn has found herself a 35-year-old married psychology professor. But when Santana throws Beth in her face, things get ugly. Basically, they exchange b**** slaps. Hey, it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without the drama!
Sadly, Rachel (Lea Michele) and Kurt (Chris Colfer) skipped out on the Thanksgiving reunion — and the subsequent trip to Breadstix — so that they could stay in New York and become “better versions of themselves.” In other words, Rachel convinces Kurt to stay in the city and host an “Orphan Thanksgiving” in Bushwick. Well, doesn’t that just sound like the best time ever?
Rachel ends up inviting Brody (Dean Geyer) — who’s totally not apologizing for his tryst with Cassie because he says Rachel blew him off for Finn. Fair point, Brody. So while Brody and Rachel flirt while lubricating a turkey, Kurt waits for Isabel (Sarah Jessica Parker) to arrive. Isabel is late — but her island of misfit toys brood isn’t.
Hey, look, it’s SHANGELA from RuPaul’s Drag Race! Oh, wait, is that the Scissor Sisters’ “Let’s Have a Kiki” playing in the background? Yep, and that’s when things go downhill. I could have gone without the three-minute kiki for some more time with Marley and Santana. You know, perhaps we could have seen Santana have a heart-to-heart with Marley about her serious eating disorder. But no, instead, we got a kiki.
Back at McKinley, it’s time for Sectionals! Poor Marley is a dazed and confused mess, prompting Ryder to hand over his “Gangnam Style” dance solo over to his bro Jake, who we learn is actually a ballerina, in order to secure a Sectionals victory. Now Ryder lost his girl and his big moment on stage. But hey, at least he’s leaning how to read. Anyway, something tells me this love triangle between Jake, Marley and Ryder is far from over. I mean, some lovesick trio has to recreate Keira Knightly and Andrew Lincoln’s memorable scene in Love Actually during the Glee Christmas tribute episode, right?
Minutes before the New Directions take the stage, Blaine (Darren Criss) receives a call from Kurt, who’s willing to meet up with Blaine during Christmas break. They plan a date to go ice-skating and drink hot cocoa, and my heart could not have been happier looking at those tears well up in Blaine’s eyes when Kurt says he loves him. He’s so happy, guys! And his eyes sparkle!
But, I digress. The New Directions take the stage, and who else but Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) would be singing “Gangnam Style?” Sure, it’s slightly racist — but that’s what Glee is known for. But just when it looks like the glee club has this one in the bag, Marley faints.
OMG!: When Quinn, Santana, Puck, Mercedes, Mike and Finn were singing together in the auditorium, I was seriously verklempt. That might just go down as one of my favorite Glee musical moments… EVER.
Thank you, TV gods.: For giving me 5 minutes of bliss with the Dalton Academy Warblers. I don’t even like ”Whistle” by Flo Rida, but when Nolan Gerard Funk sings it, I’m in. Note: I’m one of the handfull of people who watched Nickelodeon’s Spectacular when it aired.
Awk-ward: “Let’s Have a Kiki” might have sounded like a good idea in the writer’s room, but the execution was a little cringeworthy. Poor Sarah Jessica Parker. She looked — and sounded — completely out of her comfort zone. Carrie Bradshaw’s kiki days are long gone, so fire up the smoke machine, lock the doors, tight, and never sing that song again.
Hotness: I’m loving this bromance between Ryder and Jake. Of course, give it a few more episodes and I’m sure Marley will have already kissed Ryder behind Jake’s back. But as of now, these two BFFs are a-dor-able.
Fab-u-lous: Unique is back, honey, and she is FIERCE. Just when I’m about to throw my remote over this cuckoo bananes Marley storyline, Unique reminds me why I love Glee. She loves herself, and she’s not going to let any small town bigots bring her down. After all, you know what RuPaul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
Can. Not. Wait.: To see how Marley recovers post-hunger games. And what about the New Directions? Will they have to forfeit? Also, this Ryder-Marley-Jake love triangle is making me feel all sorts of emotions. Not to mention, KLAINE will be reunited for Christmas! So, yeah, Christmas needs to come ASAP.
Celebuzz Meter (1-10): 7.5 - A major step up from last week’s fluff, but all of the epic dance numbers in the world couldn’t let me forget about this mishandled Marley storyline.
Below, take a look the latest scoop from Glee newbie Blake Jenner. Glee airs Thursdays at 9 PM on FOX.
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